I just copied the region names straight from the actual tournament, so it’s convenient that the South region’s #1 seed is none other than Outkast, the kings of Southern rap. The rest of the artists don’t fit the region but we’ll ignore that. This region included some of my favorite artists, some tough decisions, and of course, some mega-cuties.
(1) Outkast vs (16) Meg Myers
Meg Myers is great and all, and she got that little play-in win under her belt, but it’s fucking Outkast. Even though Big Boi kind of sucked when I saw him at Bonnaroo, I have faith that once reunited with the one and only Andre-3000, they’ll put on a hell of a headlining show.
(8) Fitz and the Tantrums vs (9) Washed Out
Fitz and the Tantrums get off to an early lead because their band name is great. They make fun, danceable music, great for festivals. But Washed Out is amazing. I saw them back in 2012 when I snuck into Lollapallooza after they evacuated the festival because of the torrential downpour. They were awesome, and I was wet (because of the rain, pervs). However, Fitz and the Tantrums get the edge in a very close decision because I’ve never seen them, and their singer Noelle is beautiful.
Winner: Fitz and the Tantrums
(5) Damon Albarn vs (12) Bleachers
Yeah, like some band named Bleachers is going to beat out the musical genius behind Blur and Gorillaz. I’ve only heard one song by Bleachers and it was actually pretty good, but come on. Not happening.
Winner: Damon Albarn
(4) J. Cole vs (13) Half Moon Kill
I was never really into J. Cole until I heard “Power Trip” and now I’m hooked. I’ve only heard a handful of songs from Half Moon Kill and they’re pretty decent indie-folk. But with hip-hop shows at festivals, there’s always a good chance that a surprise artist will join them on stage for a song, and J. Cole collaborated with Kendrick, Miguel, Cults, TLC, and Amber Hoffman (who has joined Major Lazer on stage before, so it could happen. Swoon.)
Winner: J. Cole
(6) The Kills vs (11) Lucius
I have a major crush on Alison Mosshart, and even though I prefer The Dead Weather to The Kills, they’re still pretty great. But Lucius is one of my favorites, and after seeing them multiple times at Founders, it would be amazing to see them in a festival setting. Plus I met them last time I saw them, so maybe I’ll get to go backstage or marry one of them or something. I’m also banking on Alison Mosshart making a cameo at Jack White’s show to play some of her superior songs.
(3) Interpol vs (14) Papa
I haven’t listened to Interpol in a while, but I used to be really into them back in the day. Remember when everyone played Rock Band and “PDA” was a pretty cool song for everyone to play? I checked out Papa and they seemed alright. Their sound falls somewhere between The Killers and Gaslight Anthem, but nowhere near as good as either of those bands. Nostalgia wins over mediocrity.
(7) Grimes vs (10) Kurt Vile
It’s every Pitchfork readers dream matchup. Kurt Vile is pretty great but he doesn’t stand a chance against my number one love, Claire Boucher. Last time I was in New York City in 2012 I got to see her play on a pier. For free. This year, I get to see her twice! Thanks Pitchfork.
(2) Phoenix vs (15) Hunter Hunted
Last year I went to Chicago with my roommate during Lollapalooza even though we didn’t have tickets. We drank in the park across Lake Shore Drive where we could hear the music. I got wasted and danced my ass off to Phoenix. I even yelled at motorcyclists for revving their engines, and for some reason they didn’t beat me up. Now I get a chance to actually see Phoenix, and I’m not going to let some band with a dumb name get in the way of that.